I'm a C.P. Dad
by: Ross Abdelnour
"Close your eyes, have no fear, the monster's gone, he's on the run, and your Daddy's here".
~John Lennon~
Some of my favorite stories involve the relationships between fathers and sons. My favorite T.V. show is Lost. My favorite play is Death of a Salesman. My Favorite book is the Book of Joe. My Favorite movie is the Godfather. All these are in some form about the relationship between father and son. I lost my own father when I was 14 to lung cancer. My dad was my best friend. Don't get me wrong, he could be a very difficult man. He was very old school. I would not be surprised to learn that he was probably bi-polar. He did not have the greatest upbringing. But it is funny. Although he was old school, unlike a lot of father's from the baby boomer generation, he was very affectionate. Not a day went by where I didn't tell my dad I loved him, not a day went by where I did not kiss and hug him. Losing him hurt so bad. But I think it honestly did make me a stronger person. And it made me long for the day where I would have my own son or daughter (preferably both). And on May 31, 2011, at 11:34pm, the wish came true.
Max Richard Abdelnour is my son. He was the happiest baby on earth, he continues to be the happiest 2 year old. I honestly go weeks without hearing him cry. He loves Mickey Mouse and Sesame Street. He will eat just about any food. He loves swinging and wrestling. He has a constant smile on his face. Nothing puts that smile on his face more than his mother, my wife Ashlee. He is tall and slim, like most Abdelnour men. He has brownish blonde hair, brown eyes. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. And he has Cerebral Palsy.
My wife had an amazing pregnancy. She truly enjoyed having that little bundle inside her. She almost never complained. She went into labor on Memorial Day, around 9:30 in the evening. We went to the hospital the next morning around seven o'clock. I had no idea what lay ahead of us. In my ignorance, I depended on movies, where the girl goes into labor and barely makes it to the hospital before the baby is here. Ashlee finally started to push around 9 p.m. The poor girl was in so much pain. I wanted Max to get out of her. She wanted Max to get out of her. Max, not so much. The doctor told us that she could have him out in two pushes. All she needed was the help of the vac. A suction device that literally sucked Max out of the womb. When we asked about the side effects, the doctor told us that he would have a very bad cone head. So we consented. And a few pushes later, Max was here. And everything seemed fine.
Around 10 months Max started to crawl. He would stand up as long as he could hold onto something. I never really noticed anything until he was about 14 months old. His right hand was always very tight. And he walked on his tip toes, but only on his right side. And he wasn't talking. Or mimicking. So at the advice of our day care provider, we set up Early Intervention. It was at his session with our Physical Therapist that she suggested we have him looked at by an Orthopedic doctor. On November 7th, 2012, Max was officially diagnosed with Mild C.P. It was like the life had been taken from my body. Like a dream I couldn't wake up from. At the time I did not know what Cerebral Palsy was. The extent of my knowledge was that the kid on Breaking Bad had it and the guy that Daniel Day Lewis portrayed in My Left Foot had it. Two very different ends of the spectrum. The Doctor told us that he had a very mild form of it, and he would walk and talk and when he was older it would not be a big deal. But I had heard doctors promises before. I sat in my car and cried. I hugged Max, kissed him, and cried some more. The whole time he is smiling and laughing. I felt like I went to bed the night before in one life and woke up to a different one. That night though, I made a promise to my self and to Max that I would learn everything I could about his condition, I would do everything I could to help him, and that I would never let me or anyone else treat him differently.
It has not even been a year since Max was diagnosed. He is walking. He using an A.F.O brace. He sees a Physical Therapist, a Speech Therapist, and an Orthopedic Therapist. He is not yet talking, although he seems to be improving every week. It is very tough to feel sorry for him. I know every parent thinks their child is the best, but sorry, Max is. I mean, someone has to be the best right? Well, that is Max. He wakes up everyday with a smile on his face. Literally. He goes to bed every night at 7. Most nights, he literally laughs himself to sleep. He is affectionate. He loves people. My anger, my sadness is something that is directed at myself. I feel sad that he is not "normal". I feel sad that he has all these therapies. I feel anger that my wife and I are good people who did not deserve this. I feel angry because Max did not deserve this. I am very aware of a couple of things. One, I know that in terms of the damage to Max' brain, we are lucky. He has mild C.P. I know it could be a lot worse. I also know that there are children who have it much, much worse. I know all this and I am truly grateful for my boy. He is special. He is the most special thing in the world. He is my boy. Every time I am feeling sad, I look at him. He looks at me and sits on my lap. I tickle him and he begins his infectious laughter. And I hear that laughter and know how truly lucky I am. If I could change one thing about Max it would be his C.P. But if that changed anything about him, then I would keep him exactly as he is. Because I do not think it is humanly possible to love him more. I know patience is a virtue. And I sit patiently waiting for the day when my son can look up at me and say "Daddy". And I know that will be the greatest thing anyone will ever say to me. I know there are a lot of C.P parents out there. And I pray for you and your children everyday. I hope the moms are like my wife, the greatest mom in the world. And I know your little ones give you the same pride that Max gives me. I never thought something like this would happen to me. I never thought I was lucky enough to have Max.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
We are the Ones Who Knock
A Defense of Walter White
by: Ross Abdelnour
Over the last few months I have watched seasons 3-5 of AMC's Breaking Bad. I have also listen to more than a few interviews with the show's creator, Vince Gilligan. Multiple times, Gilligan has stated that he originally pitched the show as Mr. Chibs turning into Scarface. Essentially, a mild mannered, everyday American goes from teaching chemistry to using his knowledge of the subject to cook a crystal meth with unbelievable potency. Along the way he kills several drug dealers, poisons a little boy, and choosing not to save the girl friend of his partner as she chokes on her own vomit, and orders the death of his former partner's business associates. He is generally regarded as a bad man. There is a scene in the final season premier, where Walt's D.E.A brother in law Hank has just realized that the man known as "Heisenberg", has been Walt all along. As Hank reenters the party, we can hear Hank's wife refer to Walt as the devil. But is he? Many critics and people on twitter are hoping that Walt gets his come up-pence. He is an evil man who makes evil choices of his own free will. There may have been a time when Walt's choices could have been defended. He is a public school chemistry teacher who makes 46,000 dollars a year. He works part time at a car wash. He is diagnosed with lung cancer. He will be leaving behind a pregnant wife and a teenage son with Cerebral Palsy. He wants to leave behind enough money for his family, and because we live in a world where being an honest hardworking american doesn't mean shit, he knows he must take it upon himself to provide. Before I begin my defense, I will explain a little bit about myself.
My father died when I was 15 of lung cancer. He did not work for the majority of my life. So when he died my family was left with very little. I do not know the exact details of what he left behind for us, but i do know that the government, my father's family, or anything else had nothing for a single mother with four children. When I was 20 years old I was diagnosed with with severe colitis. I had my entire colon removed, only to discover that a year later it was not colitis but crohn's disease. The two are very similar, but one major difference is surgery is usually not performed with crohn's disease. Every six weeks I get intravenous medicine that costs roughly 23,000 per bag. Luckily, I have health insurance.
I am 32 years old. I have been a private school teacher for almost 8 years. I make 40,000 dollars a year. I work after school in the fall, coach basketball in the winter, and coach tennis in the spring to make ends meet. I have a 2 years old son with Cerebral Palsy. I pay 300 dollars a month in student loans for a state college education. I have had countless students and parents praise me for the dedication to their children. I have done everything the American dream has told me to do. And I am losing.
Walter White's back story is he was in the early stages of a company, then left, losing a substantial amount of money in the process. When we first met him he is a weak, broken man. He is walking through a seemingly joyless life. By happenstance, he sees a former student while on a ride along with the D.E.A. It is then that he gets the idea to begin to cook meth. Meth is a dirty drug. It cannot be glamorized with Hollywood cocaine, or rock star heroin. It is the white trash drug of the nation. And Walter White cooks it better than any human being in the United States. Walt is fifty years old when the series begins. He has seemingly done everything the American Dream has told him to do. And as the pilot opens, he is losing.
In 2008, our country fell into the worst economic down turn since the great depression. All over the country, loans went unpaid. Houses were seized. Jobs lost. Those of us who were lucky enough to keep our jobs continued to work for money that barely allowed the cost of living in America. Democrats and Republicans put on a show that would make the WWE jealous, all the while failing to work together and pull us out. If you are rich, then you do not need to worry about money. If you are poor, the government will help you. But what about the working money. I make too much money to be helped, but not enough to pay my bills. And this is why Walter White, for all his bad deeds, is a victim of the American Dream.
From day one, we are told that if we work hard, we can be successful. What we are not told is that if we work hard, but the other person has a better connection, the better job will go to him. Walter White is a genius. Whatever room he walks into his is the smartest person in said room. He has taken shit all his life. The creation of Heisenberg is the same creation any person who is picked on has. For boys, it's superman. Underneath their Clark Kent is an invincible god. There is a scene in the pilot of Breaking Bad where Walt's son, Walter Jr. is being picked on because of his C.P. Walt seems to walk away. His wife, Skylar is walking over to address the problem. When we realize that Walt did not walk away but rather left through the back of the store and entered the front to almost cripple the young punk who was making fun of Walter Jr.'s crutches. As a father with a toddler with C.P, i cannot explain the rage I had when watching that scene. I know it is a tough cynical world, and I know teenagers can be as cruel as hell. So the pain it caused me to watch Walter Jr. be made fun of cannot be put into words. But neither can the satisfaction of seeing Walt but a beating in the punk. To me, this is the moment where Walt says, I am going to be in charge of my destiny. This is where he looks at the phony "American Dream", the same one Willy Loman died chasing, says "fuck you", and puts a stranglehold on the true American Nightmare.
It would be impossible to excuse or justify all of Walt's decisions. He made enough money to protect his family and continued to cook meth. It would be impossible to not realize that his partner, Jesse, is the one who deserves our sympathy. However, I blame the american dream on Walt's descent into evil. He woke up one morning and realize that America failed him. He knew he had a skill, a skill that nobody could match. in that skill he came alive. I do not agree with Walt's methods. I don't use or sell drugs. I think what he has done at times is despicable. But I know the feeling of losing health. I know the feeling of losing wealth. And I know the feeling of trying to do right by the American Dream, only to have it kick you in the teeth. And that is why I am rooting for Walter White to win. There is a scene in season four where Skylar is worried about Walt being in danger. He replies with "I am the Danger". His former partner Gale is killed at Walt's behest, by Jesse, by a gunshot after Gale opens his front door. Walt tells Skylar the "He is the one who knocks"! Put in the right circumstances, any American who has had enough could be the knocking as well.
A Defense of Walter White
by: Ross Abdelnour
Over the last few months I have watched seasons 3-5 of AMC's Breaking Bad. I have also listen to more than a few interviews with the show's creator, Vince Gilligan. Multiple times, Gilligan has stated that he originally pitched the show as Mr. Chibs turning into Scarface. Essentially, a mild mannered, everyday American goes from teaching chemistry to using his knowledge of the subject to cook a crystal meth with unbelievable potency. Along the way he kills several drug dealers, poisons a little boy, and choosing not to save the girl friend of his partner as she chokes on her own vomit, and orders the death of his former partner's business associates. He is generally regarded as a bad man. There is a scene in the final season premier, where Walt's D.E.A brother in law Hank has just realized that the man known as "Heisenberg", has been Walt all along. As Hank reenters the party, we can hear Hank's wife refer to Walt as the devil. But is he? Many critics and people on twitter are hoping that Walt gets his come up-pence. He is an evil man who makes evil choices of his own free will. There may have been a time when Walt's choices could have been defended. He is a public school chemistry teacher who makes 46,000 dollars a year. He works part time at a car wash. He is diagnosed with lung cancer. He will be leaving behind a pregnant wife and a teenage son with Cerebral Palsy. He wants to leave behind enough money for his family, and because we live in a world where being an honest hardworking american doesn't mean shit, he knows he must take it upon himself to provide. Before I begin my defense, I will explain a little bit about myself.
My father died when I was 15 of lung cancer. He did not work for the majority of my life. So when he died my family was left with very little. I do not know the exact details of what he left behind for us, but i do know that the government, my father's family, or anything else had nothing for a single mother with four children. When I was 20 years old I was diagnosed with with severe colitis. I had my entire colon removed, only to discover that a year later it was not colitis but crohn's disease. The two are very similar, but one major difference is surgery is usually not performed with crohn's disease. Every six weeks I get intravenous medicine that costs roughly 23,000 per bag. Luckily, I have health insurance.
I am 32 years old. I have been a private school teacher for almost 8 years. I make 40,000 dollars a year. I work after school in the fall, coach basketball in the winter, and coach tennis in the spring to make ends meet. I have a 2 years old son with Cerebral Palsy. I pay 300 dollars a month in student loans for a state college education. I have had countless students and parents praise me for the dedication to their children. I have done everything the American dream has told me to do. And I am losing.
Walter White's back story is he was in the early stages of a company, then left, losing a substantial amount of money in the process. When we first met him he is a weak, broken man. He is walking through a seemingly joyless life. By happenstance, he sees a former student while on a ride along with the D.E.A. It is then that he gets the idea to begin to cook meth. Meth is a dirty drug. It cannot be glamorized with Hollywood cocaine, or rock star heroin. It is the white trash drug of the nation. And Walter White cooks it better than any human being in the United States. Walt is fifty years old when the series begins. He has seemingly done everything the American Dream has told him to do. And as the pilot opens, he is losing.
In 2008, our country fell into the worst economic down turn since the great depression. All over the country, loans went unpaid. Houses were seized. Jobs lost. Those of us who were lucky enough to keep our jobs continued to work for money that barely allowed the cost of living in America. Democrats and Republicans put on a show that would make the WWE jealous, all the while failing to work together and pull us out. If you are rich, then you do not need to worry about money. If you are poor, the government will help you. But what about the working money. I make too much money to be helped, but not enough to pay my bills. And this is why Walter White, for all his bad deeds, is a victim of the American Dream.
From day one, we are told that if we work hard, we can be successful. What we are not told is that if we work hard, but the other person has a better connection, the better job will go to him. Walter White is a genius. Whatever room he walks into his is the smartest person in said room. He has taken shit all his life. The creation of Heisenberg is the same creation any person who is picked on has. For boys, it's superman. Underneath their Clark Kent is an invincible god. There is a scene in the pilot of Breaking Bad where Walt's son, Walter Jr. is being picked on because of his C.P. Walt seems to walk away. His wife, Skylar is walking over to address the problem. When we realize that Walt did not walk away but rather left through the back of the store and entered the front to almost cripple the young punk who was making fun of Walter Jr.'s crutches. As a father with a toddler with C.P, i cannot explain the rage I had when watching that scene. I know it is a tough cynical world, and I know teenagers can be as cruel as hell. So the pain it caused me to watch Walter Jr. be made fun of cannot be put into words. But neither can the satisfaction of seeing Walt but a beating in the punk. To me, this is the moment where Walt says, I am going to be in charge of my destiny. This is where he looks at the phony "American Dream", the same one Willy Loman died chasing, says "fuck you", and puts a stranglehold on the true American Nightmare.
It would be impossible to excuse or justify all of Walt's decisions. He made enough money to protect his family and continued to cook meth. It would be impossible to not realize that his partner, Jesse, is the one who deserves our sympathy. However, I blame the american dream on Walt's descent into evil. He woke up one morning and realize that America failed him. He knew he had a skill, a skill that nobody could match. in that skill he came alive. I do not agree with Walt's methods. I don't use or sell drugs. I think what he has done at times is despicable. But I know the feeling of losing health. I know the feeling of losing wealth. And I know the feeling of trying to do right by the American Dream, only to have it kick you in the teeth. And that is why I am rooting for Walter White to win. There is a scene in season four where Skylar is worried about Walt being in danger. He replies with "I am the Danger". His former partner Gale is killed at Walt's behest, by Jesse, by a gunshot after Gale opens his front door. Walt tells Skylar the "He is the one who knocks"! Put in the right circumstances, any American who has had enough could be the knocking as well.
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